Slovák kričí na babu na balkóne: "Bábka, máte satelit?"
”A prečo by som sa mala teliť, čo som krava?"
Zvukarske, muzikantske a jine vtipy
Re: Zvukarske, muzikantske a jine vtipy
Na koncertě.
posluchač 1: "Ta zpěvačka řve jak přejetá, falešná je jako kráva. Děsný. Co to jako je?"
posluchač 2: "Moje dcera, vole."
posluchač 1: "Jo???
Tak to sorry jako, to bude tou písničkou. Je to fakt vopruz. To psal ňákej kretén
posluchač 2: "To jsem psal já"
posluchač 1: "Ta zpěvačka řve jak přejetá, falešná je jako kráva. Děsný. Co to jako je?"
posluchač 2: "Moje dcera, vole."
posluchač 1: "Jo???
Tak to sorry jako, to bude tou písničkou. Je to fakt vopruz. To psal ňákej kretén posluchač 2: "To jsem psal já"
Re: Zvukarske, muzikantske a jine vtipy
Na osamelej farme ďaleko od civilizácie večer zazvonia 3 pocestný - Žid, Moslim a Fico.
Farmár im otvori a oni ho prosia, ci by u neho nemohli prespať.
"Môžete, ale v dome mam miesto len pre dvoch. Tretí bude musieť prespať v maštali."
"Ja tam môžem spať" hovori moslim "som zvyknutý na nepohodlie."
V noci zvoní zvonček, farmár ide otvoriť a za dverami moslim:
"Ja som síce sľúbil, že prespím v maštali, ale nikto mi nepovedal, ze tam bude krava. Prepáčte, ale ja fakt nemôžem spať v jednej miestnosti so zvieraťom."
"Mne krava nevadí," vraví Žid, "ja tam prespím, aby neboli problémy."
Za chvíľu opäť zvoní zvonček, farmár ide otvoriť, za dverami je Žid a vraví:
"Mne krava skutočne nevadí, ale je tam tiež prasa. Nehnevajte sa, ale ja nemôžem byt v jednej miestnosti s niečím tak nečistým, ako je prasa."
"Prosím vás, je tam toho," ozve sa Fico. "V maštali budem spať ja a hotovo. Dobru noc!"
Za 5 minút dlhé, naliehavé zvonenie.
Farmár ide otvoriť a...........
.....................za dverami stojí krava a prasa.
Farmár im otvori a oni ho prosia, ci by u neho nemohli prespať.
"Môžete, ale v dome mam miesto len pre dvoch. Tretí bude musieť prespať v maštali."
"Ja tam môžem spať" hovori moslim "som zvyknutý na nepohodlie."
V noci zvoní zvonček, farmár ide otvoriť a za dverami moslim:
"Ja som síce sľúbil, že prespím v maštali, ale nikto mi nepovedal, ze tam bude krava. Prepáčte, ale ja fakt nemôžem spať v jednej miestnosti so zvieraťom."
"Mne krava nevadí," vraví Žid, "ja tam prespím, aby neboli problémy."
Za chvíľu opäť zvoní zvonček, farmár ide otvoriť, za dverami je Žid a vraví:
"Mne krava skutočne nevadí, ale je tam tiež prasa. Nehnevajte sa, ale ja nemôžem byt v jednej miestnosti s niečím tak nečistým, ako je prasa."
"Prosím vás, je tam toho," ozve sa Fico. "V maštali budem spať ja a hotovo. Dobru noc!"
Za 5 minút dlhé, naliehavé zvonenie.
Farmár ide otvoriť a...........
.....................za dverami stojí krava a prasa.
Re: Zvukarske, muzikantske a jine vtipy
genial
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- ARNOST.jpg (33.86 KiB) Zobrazeno 463 x
my recent channel https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=P ... Hn7Qs-kECD
Re: Zvukarske, muzikantske a jine vtipy
Vyšel nový "Kumšt"! Já ty kluky prostě žeru 
Blog http://milpal.cz, Bandzone: http://bandzone.cz/milanpalicka
Re: Zvukarske, muzikantske a jine vtipy
nojono, porad jsme v cesky republice... trapnost je tady povazovana za humor a nadsazku. je mi smutno 
Re: Zvukarske, muzikantske a jine vtipy
Ja by som toto zopar pacientom, co sa tu obcas objavia, odporucil ako povinne citanie.
A trapnost je len nedostatok lepsich skusenosti. Celosvetova zalezitost. Garantujem...
A trapnost je len nedostatok lepsich skusenosti. Celosvetova zalezitost. Garantujem...
Re: Zvukarske, muzikantske a jine vtipy
u stanku...
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- 36682103_10215021776790617_5483512178482872320_n.jpg (77.88 KiB) Zobrazeno 261 x
my recent channel https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=P ... Hn7Qs-kECD
Re: Zvukarske, muzikantske a jine vtipy
ze pry bez zrnicek...
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- Screen Shot 2018-07-29 at 00.03.34.png (1.89 MiB) Zobrazeno 183 x
my recent channel https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=P ... Hn7Qs-kECD
Re: Zvukarske, muzikantske a jine vtipy
ehm, spis bez seminek, ne? 
Re: Zvukarske, muzikantske a jine vtipy
perdon, mam v tom trochu gulash.
a melo tam byt "sin pepitas"
a melo tam byt "sin pepitas"
my recent channel https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=P ... Hn7Qs-kECD
Re: Zvukarske, muzikantske a jine vtipy
Moje přítelkyně si dneska oblékla dres Sparty Praha. Dělá nějaký sociální projekt a chtěla poznat, jak budou lidé z Ostravy reagovat.
Dneska už byla poplivána, polita kávou, bylo jí vynadáno do šílených krav, málem dostala po hubě, jestli jí nehrabe... a to nechci vidět, co se stane, až vyjde z domu na ulici.
Dneska už byla poplivána, polita kávou, bylo jí vynadáno do šílených krav, málem dostala po hubě, jestli jí nehrabe... a to nechci vidět, co se stane, až vyjde z domu na ulici.
Re: Zvukarske, muzikantske a jine vtipy
Pro Anglictinare
Politicky nekorektni Anglicky humor.
1. Two Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier in London. Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam.
2. Riots in Birmingham last month caused over 1 million worth of improvement
3. Muslims have gone on the rampage in Birmingham killing anyone who's English. Police fear the death toll could be as high as 8 or 9
4. Years ago it was suggested that, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away. "But, since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works better!
5. Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque...They've told the public not to panic as they've managed to push it inside.
6. During last night's high winds an African family was killed by a falling tree. A spokesman for the Birmingham City council said "We didn't even know they were living up there".
7. Jamaican minorities in the UK have complained that there are not enough television shows with minorities in mind, so Crime Watch is being shown 5 times a week now.
8. I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed. How could anyone stoop so low.
9. I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony, shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"
10. An Emergency Call Centre worker has been fired in Rotherham much to the dismay of her colleagues, who were unhappy with her dismissal. It seems that a caller dialled 911 from a cell phone stating, "I am depressed and lying on a railway line so that when the train comes I can finally meet Allah."To which the call centre employee replied, "Remain calm and stay on the line . "
Politicky nekorektni Anglicky humor.
1. Two Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier in London. Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam.
2. Riots in Birmingham last month caused over 1 million worth of improvement
3. Muslims have gone on the rampage in Birmingham killing anyone who's English. Police fear the death toll could be as high as 8 or 9
4. Years ago it was suggested that, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away. "But, since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works better!
5. Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque...They've told the public not to panic as they've managed to push it inside.
6. During last night's high winds an African family was killed by a falling tree. A spokesman for the Birmingham City council said "We didn't even know they were living up there".
7. Jamaican minorities in the UK have complained that there are not enough television shows with minorities in mind, so Crime Watch is being shown 5 times a week now.
8. I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed. How could anyone stoop so low.
9. I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony, shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"
10. An Emergency Call Centre worker has been fired in Rotherham much to the dismay of her colleagues, who were unhappy with her dismissal. It seems that a caller dialled 911 from a cell phone stating, "I am depressed and lying on a railway line so that when the train comes I can finally meet Allah."To which the call centre employee replied, "Remain calm and stay on the line . "